When I was younger, I would get upset if I could not get my message across without conflict. After I slowed down my emotional responses and thought the issues and possible resolutions through, I became a wiser person. I was able to communicate my needs and desires with pointing my finger or loosing my temper.
As a wife and mother of five, I have had a great deal of challenging conversations over the years. I am married to a man who is very old school, so that can be a challenge in itself, I have learned how and when to discuss certain issues if I want a positive outcome. In other words-If I want to get my way; I better think before I speak! I always try to consider exactly what it is that I want. I also must consider what my intentions are before entering into any challenging conversation. It is important to communicate in a manner that shows respect and empathy for the person whom you are communicating with. Empathy, compassion and love bring a whole new dimension to your relationship. This will enable you to be tuned in to their feelings in the matter.
Having three daughters has taught me to choose my battles in order to win the war. As a mother, one thing you want is to have a close relationship with your children. This will enable you to be a positive influence on them. Keeping my eye on the main goal through battles has enabled me to keep that close relationship even though we do disagree on certain issues in life.
As a wife, I want to be here to support his desires for our family too. If an issue comes up in which I disagree, I must carefully think through the dilemma. How can I be assertive and get the outcome that I want without disrespecting my husband or losing my temper? Our outcome should include wanting a harmonious relationship, a compassionate, warm and loving relationship.
One common mistake many people make when trying to resolve conflict is that of pointing the finger and wanting the other person to change. This just sets off a defense mode in others. This often ends up without a resolution and lots of resentment. It is important to remember to look at what you are doing and work on fixing yourself first. And as far as communicating in an assertive way- you can be assertive and still take the other person’s feelings into consideration. Our goal should be to change the situation or correct the problem, not change the other person. When we communicate with assertiveness, it is a way to get a response from your partner that will bring out the unsaid emotions. You will be able to pick up on the unspoken messages. Then you both can address your wants and desires together, which promotes a closer more intimate relationship.
It is important to remember that not all conversations are going to come to an immediate resolution. The important thing is to open up the realm of communicating and focus on understanding, mindful listening, and validating before coming to a solution.
- ~ How People Communicate ~ (mysterycoachdsi.com)
- NVC 5: The Power of Empathy (rainbowinclouds.com)
- Assertiveness: What is is, what it isn’t, and how to practice it (completecoach.wordpress.com)
- An Intimate Relationship with Yourself (shambhala.com)